I just saw a hot homeless man
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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