how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
