$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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