I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love you. Go after that dick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
