life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
