Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
