Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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