My Higher Power is John Stamos
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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