did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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