decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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