your parents love me but you hate me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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