They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
