They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize