my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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