Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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