1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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