We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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