erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
