High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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