So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
