i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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