Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
