I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize