well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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