some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
