singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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