This girl is more easily done than said...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
