We named our party play list daddy issues
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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