You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
