just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
