Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
