I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
