conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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