Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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