obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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