Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
