She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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