she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
