Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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