you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize