I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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