I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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