I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
