Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
