I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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