is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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