Can i not drive my cunt home
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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