go do what you do best...puke behind churches
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
