i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
