I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize