oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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