he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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