Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
