I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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