At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
