I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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