is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
