i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
