Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
