i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
