I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why do cheetos always look like penises
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
