The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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