i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
