I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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