I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
