Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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