He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
