Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
