we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
