I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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