In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
