Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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