We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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