I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
