Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
