Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
