I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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