if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
