So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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