I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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