well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
