well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
