i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
