Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
